Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
