I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
