They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Drunk is a universal language darling
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
