so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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