I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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