goodnight i made you a song goodbye
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
