i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
