This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
