I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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