She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
