Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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