So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
