It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
