using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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