is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
