You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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