I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
