I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
