how can u be prego again
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
honey bunches of taint.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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