Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
