I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My vagina just recognized that song.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
