Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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