I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
