I smell stomach acid.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
