Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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