I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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