We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
