nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
