im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
