the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
