once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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