she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
