I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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