there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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