i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
