I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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