It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
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