i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
