walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You ate ashes out of my bong
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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