We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
