just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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