did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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