Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
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The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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