the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
