I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
