508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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