Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
