did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
