So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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