you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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