I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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