My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
