Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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