I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
