I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I love having hate sex.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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