literally had 100 drinks last night.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
