I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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