I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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