where does the pee come out of this thing
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
