she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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