the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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