Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
