Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
sarcasm needs its own font
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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