I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize