Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
