my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
