i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
