found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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